Today we are going to talk about a 'happy ends' in the relations. We're not going to discuss just 'ends',and will start from the end of the dreams and fairy tales,that one about the white dress(or awesome sari in local context). Or if to be more presized, we'll have a short look on the things, which are happening before marriage.
The average age of the lucky ones, who have taken this live-changing decision, depends on the place, where you live. If it's a small village, then after 10th standard parents will do their best to find an appropriate spouse for a kid, especially for daughter (moreover if there are more than one of them in the family). In case of getting higher education somewhere in the college and then go up to MBA or other post-graduation, the age for marriage is postponed to from 25 for girls and 28 for guys. There is quite logical explanation, which roots are coming from the financial situations in the families. In the case of girls,she will have an opportunity to earn some additional money for future family budget. For guys the aim is to return part of the money invested in higher education by the family and build some level of financial stability for himself . Previously, after the wedding, ladies stopped working, and the main part of their job description were the duties of the housewife aka maintaining the house, cooking meals and raising children (this explains the fact that thin students of college in a few months would turn into "healthy women", that have enough power to stop running elephant). Taking this into consideration, the husband should be able to sustain the sufficient level of life in his own family and also help both of their parents, who would be retired by this time . Nowdays there is a thought, that "extra money never hurts" so the girl will continue her work in most of the cases. So, we had a brief idea of a marriage age and the logic behind it.
As far as we got, that guys are actually not bothered too much about this topic till 28-30, let's pay our attention to the females. At age 23 -24 search for a proper candidate starts. All the possible sources are going to be used: from the gossiping aunties, with young nephews till "an almighty internet" with it's broad choice of the matrimonial web-sites. A bit of details:
Parents and family. They will play major role in making an appropriate choice. Checking the matches by cast, level of the family, etc.
Aunties. This is the kind of ladies, who are busy watching serials on the TV and arranging private lives of younger generations with thehelp of exchange of photographs, personal information (about it see more details) and 'blind dates'. These women are the best sales people in the family, because they always know the entire needs of the customers, have potentials solutions for the needs and can find USP in any proper candidate.
Newspapers. Honestly, matrimonial ads are one of my favorite pages in "Pune mirror" or similar publications. In the morning you can read them instead of anecdotes. That ads take 2 whole pages in the middle of the paper, also the content of the ads does not leave you indifferent. (Record of India was beaten by China, on the one of the squares "marriage day" was arranged. People were able to place their ads and pick up the phone numbers from the other ones)
Internet. The number of matrimonial sites in India is huge. Type "shadi" in Google and it will suggest you a number of places where you can creat a profile and go ahead. They all are build in social network design, so you can browse easily.
What are we actually looking for? or what is checked with an 'ideal candidate'?
Guys are advised to put their CTC and all other money benefits on their profile, this information is going to be used while screening and to count probable dowry. The additional things which can make profile more attractive are work permit in such magic countries as UK or USA, ownership of a car of a house. Interesting fact is that a lot of guys, who study and work abroad, prefer to find future wives back in India.
For a girl case is a bit easier: education, work, the body parameters.
In both situations you put caste, social status and a place of birth.
Each of the things, mentioned above is described clearly but in the most beneficial for the candidate way.
Whats next?
After screening(word is widely used in recruitment, but i think it's quite suitable in this situation) of the avaliable profiles there will be calls, chats and, fortunately, meetings in the real life. In general parents communicate directly to each other to avoid future misunderstandings . And for many children this kind of attitude - 'parents choose the candidates who they like, and from them I choose who is the best for me' - is pretty fine. In the end everybody will feel good, that's what matters.
Parents had their talk, now it's time for the children. They have some meetings to get to know each other more and think if they are able to spend the entire life with this person. You're advised to use all your communication and questioning skills on this stage, because it will be much more complicated to turn back after you've said 'yes'.
In general, families pay attention to caste or state of birth and try to find a person from the same ones. This is logical, because many states within India are so different in culture and customs, that it seems you are moving from one country to another. Castes: nowdays more and more young people can get a decent education and broad their outlook. The difference between people from different casts is basically in their thinking pattern. Higher castes are more open to new and progressive things. On the other hand, they also don't want to waste time on "bringing on the same way of thinking" a new family member. That's actually quite problematic, if a person lived for 25-30 years in totally different way.
Horoscopes and beliefs. Yes, many families compare horoscopes of the children. For this procedure you need only the location (coordinates) and time (exact) of the birthday. Previously horoscope was used as a way to getting at least some information about a future spouse (for couples who had the 'lucky' opportunity to see each other for 1 time maximum before marriage), now it's more like a psychological test for compatibility with the instructions of what to work on. Although if your compatibility in horoscope is 0 of 36, may be it's worth to think a bit before taking such an important decision.
Money and dowry. One of the first questions is about the salary of the guy and here the count of the dowry begins. I have already explained why it is this way. Also the psychological factor of the people is included here. 10-15 years ago the amount of the facilities avaliable was less and the level of the wealth of people was lower . With the development of outsourcing companies market has received lots high-payed jobs, people have got a possibility to afford to buy what has been seen only on the western ads before. So the young man should be able to afford a sufficient level of life to his future family.
Religion. Depends mostly on the family. Basically, I encountered only a few cases that the parents were against, if everything else matched the criteria. But such things can happen. Some Hindu families, may not be welcome by possible hindu in-laws if there is somebody who has already married the Christian. At this point all depends on the ability of parents and children find out all the important facts prior to the engagement.
What will be the next step?
Next comes a meeting of both families, selection of the dates for engagement and wedding. These things are mentioned in a special book, which has all the recommended dates for the various ceremonies. Most often, the couple will get married in a time interval from one month to a year. At this time they are officially considered to be the fiance and fiancee, have a full right to appear in public together (without too much gossipping behind the backs), go somewhere for the weekend. Both families are happy about the alliance and start prepartion for one of the major events in the life of a young couple.
One might ask: "What's about love marriage? With all that warm and beautiful feeling, etc, etc ". They exist, but basically, if you fall in love with someone of your level or you have a very open-minded family. I've already said that parents recognize the marriage as union for the entire life, and try to ensure that in all possible ways. There is a talk about such concept as "love after the arrangement." It's explained that you have the time to date with a second half and know him\her much better before the wedding, so there comes love. And a guarantee that they are going to get married, keep on motivation to work on yourslef. There is this positive side, since people learn to accept the partner and be more serious about the relationship. On the other hand it can be exactly the opposite: "In any case,we're goitng get married, so take me as i am, you have no other choice". But this depends from one couple to another.
In general, I want to say that Indian girls also dream about a beautiful wedding day. That day when they will be in charming sari, get lots of smiles and moments to remember for the entire life. With all the logical aspects of the marriage, sometimes the ray of emotions shows itself. For guys it's more important if future wife has found a common language with his parents, it is desirable if she knows how to maintain the house and cook food. Good appearance plays positive role more in the process of the selection of the candidates.
That's how modern search for the second half in India looks like from my personal point of view. Should it be called "only arranged" or "love after arrangement", everybody can decide for himself. I know exactly what it is: it's an established system that involves a lot of other institutions in the process of the preparation and organization of the major event. That can be matter to be discussed in the continuation of notes ...
No comments:
Post a Comment