l'amour in desi way

One day i got a request from my friend to describe the relationship beetween guy&girl in India. Well, to that issue i'm going to dedicate today's post. In the beginning i would like to mention, that everything is only the opinion of the author,so you have a full right either to agree or argue, the choice is up to you.

Part 1.

Let's start with a combination of "Hindu - Ferengi (aka foreigner)."

Situation #1. Hindu girl, foreign guy.

In most of the cases, guys come to work under contract or to travel for a limited period of time. That's why such pairs are relatively rare. Everything can be explained in quite a logical way - he will leave soon , has no plans for the future marriage,so what's the point in starting the relationship? Perhaps it's possible to happen, if a girl goes to college far from her own city, where her parents would not know about these affairs, and friends can keep their mouthes closed also. And yet - in most of the cases  the answer will be 'no',because  the girls will choose the guys, who are Indian and with who a joint further future seems to be more real. Even if they are from different states and castes. I would like to note that in any situation there are exceptions, I'm talikng about a very common case in this entire post.

Situation number 2. Indian guy, girl foreigner.

The point view 'Western girls are more easily accessible in terms of sex' does exist in the minds of the local people. I think, that we are simply less bothered about this topic. For some guys here sex  is what awaits them only after the wedding, and before that you have the entire www to get to know about it. Relationships are preferably short-termed because girls come to work on contract for a maximum of 6 months - a year and then return to the familiar culture, clothes, boyfriends and family. Yes, one more factor is age, because many Europeans in their 20 -24 years old just don't want to think about developing a serious relationship . I would  like to repeat that there are exceptions in every situation.

So, what contributes to the development of relations in a pair of I-F?

1. Internal desire to "try the exotic taste." Indians are drawn to white skin ('Fair and lovely' cream is sold on every corner), white people are also attracted by a brown shade. Well, also you can show off to your friends about the "cross-cultural experience."

2.Guys in India have this very "romantic" habbit with sending you a bunch of poems, stories and flowers by sms. (Thanks for Airtel and Tata for providing the free services)

 

3. The desire to have a loved one when you're away from your home. That applies both parties, because majority of Indian youth are working far from their hometowns.

Something to think ahead.

Family and parents.

Everything between you may be just fine, until you meet with the parents. It is not easy in any country. Lots of funny comedies have been already shown on this topic (The new one is coming "Small Fockers". People say, that it was a blast in US box-offices). In case of the international relations it is even more interesting. Best case is if parents just won't disturb you. They can be away quietly hoping that they ukids will breack up and go to theis home places before the marriage itself. You curse them, butparents have their reasons, which are quite logical. In case of India, marriage is - a very powerful social institution in which you enter once and for the entire life. Divorce is possible, but that's not very welcome in the society. The stereotype of Western cultures is that if something not pleasant is going on, people slamme the door and go away. So the older generations tend to prevent such cases in advance. As the saying goes 'with a little amount of blood'. On the other hand, it's all about the framework and limitations in mind. Tell your parents that you have a guy / girl from another country. I am confident that one of the first phrases is going to be: "There are no normal ones in our country?" "And could you find someone from Europe?" And so on. Here the perception is the same. Even if the parents are fine with you both, we have a bunch of relatives, educational level of which leaves much to be developed. There are also the financial aspects. The first one is called "Dowry" . Where does the bride's parents find these sums of money still remains a mystery for me (in fact, they collect them from her birth). And the marriage is the establishment of relations at a certain level, or caste. In the case of marriage with foreigner this all aspects may be missing.

Society, friends, etc.

There is a strange observation from my side.When people see that you're dating Hindu guy, then they suspect the you are both not very serious. Basically, their view is understandable when youconsider the reasons, mentioned above. Guys here are not so worried about the marriage aspect of the lifes. They can safely stay single up to 30 years old, then they will pick up the bride's from their parents choice. I smile from the  number of invitations i get in social networks.The are from random people who have noticed a white girl with a guy from their country on the profile photo. Want to be "friends", which is far from the truth in a 90 % of the cases.

Somebody may ask why I didn't mention much about the Foreign guys. In my 1.5 years of xp here I'm familiar with only one pair, where they have a Hindu girl and a foreigner guy. As one girl explained to my friend in very simple words: "I can go out with you somewhere together, if you're either my brother or best friend. In your case neither the first nor the second is true. " And is not that all the girls have such a strong internal morals here, but they are very thoughtful, logical and concerned about their future.

 

Your own Thoughts.

All of the above are external factors, but each of us has also its own ghosts in the head, which we carefully grow throughout our lives. You can call them easier - borders, morals, principles. That is the most interesting moment in building relations between different cultures, especially between the east and the west. Like all good things, the vision of the differences in perceptions and outlook, comes with time and then you have to choose the course of action.

And...

That's how you can briefly describe relationhips and factors which have influence in a pair of Indian-Foreigner. You can read the post and ask: "Is the relationship in such pair doomed to failure?". My answer - no. It all depends on your awareness and joint action. There are successful examples of couples who combine a variety of perception and culture. They might never admit to you that it's not all so easy in their everyday life, but they're coping with the differences successfully. We are sent to each other for spiritual development. All the factors just stands help you to be very clear in your mind about what can be expected and work on them. And every day our world comes close to be a real global village, so that the mixing of cultures does not cause such surprise and reaction as it was earlier. Just do it.  You're the only person responsible for the success of your relationship.

To be continued...