l'amour in desi way. part 2. perspective of foreigner

We have already discussed the development of relations, which include the involvement of foreign halves. Let's have a brief  look what happens when there are "birds of a feather" in a couple.In this post I want to share a view of an foreign observer on building relationships in a pair which consists from 2 indian nationals. Also i would like to remind you that all the moments, mentioned below are only my observations and opinions. So your comments are the most welcome)
Let's assume that they are between 17 and 25, attending the college, or just have started their real jobs. In most cases it's still very early to think about marriage. Most likely students will build their relationship, not paying much attention to factors such as caste, place of birth and horoscope. Influence and views of the family play a big role in India. That's why parents simply will not be aware of the presence of a young man or girl who does not fit the criteria for a possible future marriage. How will they deal with it after the critical age comes? either by separating and getting married with properly arranged partners, or break all the rules and prove that the partner is worth to spend the entire life with.  But so far away from the wedding, there is still time and you can enjoy it 100%.
How do they get to know each other? The easiest way is through friends or at someone's house parties. On the street, at the supermarket and other public places it is not widely accepted to get acquainted , although modern ads claim that this is possible. But that's the role of the ads to tell the fairy tales to the customers. I was really surprised to get to know that a large percentage of couples hide their relationship from their parents, relatives, and only a limited number of friends are allowed to know about the presence of the object of adoration. Moreover, this situation could easily last for several years, which shows the Indians from different perspectives, which should be taken in to account while building personal and business relations in this country.
So, they have met each other. Immediately a logical question raises :how should we meet next time? If in public, that will preferably be with friends. The two of them can go for a movie or somewhere out of town. It's funny to see how the forts are fulfilled with the couples, seeking for separate places, on the weekends.They just want to sit and hold each other's hands (for anything more then this, even such places are too crowded). In the cities it's harder to show your feelings on public (And it also depends on the size of the city where you live. Multimillion ones are more open, smaller towns are more conservative about this issue.) Lot's of young couples in big cities have already stopped to pay lots of attentions to the reactions of the crowd, but still people are not very welcome to the hugging and kissing in the public places couples. Yes, you know - even the walls have ears and eyes, so that boys and girls don't want surroundings to gossip about them. Incidentally, Shisha cafe has even a signboard with similar content: "This is a family restaurant (shisha, hookah menyu.Order Shisha for the entire family and get a discount))). Customers who show feelings in public will be expelled. " Sometimes i really want to kiss (more than just the lips), under this board. Just to see, what's going to happen next Yet, the attitude of the crowd to  Indian pair, who show their feelings on public, is much easier than when there is a white girl. In this case the stereotype comes that girl is a easy to have sex with and a guy is pretty rich.
Is there anything more than kissing? Sex is there. But then again, depending on the family in which girl has grown up. With respect to the guys  the stereotype is the same: there will be no sign anywhere, so there is no big reason to worry. Modern policy of Bollywood and advertising shows the possibility of sexual relations in pairs before marriage. Young people are completely normal with this idea, more questions the older generation rises. They have theirs base for it,  because of upcoming marriage in the future. And it's quite hard to guess, which requirements your future in-laws are going to have.
What does happen then? As in all fairy tales, the relationship should come to the happy end or in other words - marriage. But this is going to be a big topic for another number of posts.
To be continued ...

l'amour in desi way

One day i got a request from my friend to describe the relationship beetween guy&girl in India. Well, to that issue i'm going to dedicate today's post. In the beginning i would like to mention, that everything is only the opinion of the author,so you have a full right either to agree or argue, the choice is up to you.

Part 1.

Let's start with a combination of "Hindu - Ferengi (aka foreigner)."

Situation #1. Hindu girl, foreign guy.

In most of the cases, guys come to work under contract or to travel for a limited period of time. That's why such pairs are relatively rare. Everything can be explained in quite a logical way - he will leave soon , has no plans for the future marriage,so what's the point in starting the relationship? Perhaps it's possible to happen, if a girl goes to college far from her own city, where her parents would not know about these affairs, and friends can keep their mouthes closed also. And yet - in most of the cases  the answer will be 'no',because  the girls will choose the guys, who are Indian and with who a joint further future seems to be more real. Even if they are from different states and castes. I would like to note that in any situation there are exceptions, I'm talikng about a very common case in this entire post.

Situation number 2. Indian guy, girl foreigner.

The point view 'Western girls are more easily accessible in terms of sex' does exist in the minds of the local people. I think, that we are simply less bothered about this topic. For some guys here sex  is what awaits them only after the wedding, and before that you have the entire www to get to know about it. Relationships are preferably short-termed because girls come to work on contract for a maximum of 6 months - a year and then return to the familiar culture, clothes, boyfriends and family. Yes, one more factor is age, because many Europeans in their 20 -24 years old just don't want to think about developing a serious relationship . I would  like to repeat that there are exceptions in every situation.

So, what contributes to the development of relations in a pair of I-F?

1. Internal desire to "try the exotic taste." Indians are drawn to white skin ('Fair and lovely' cream is sold on every corner), white people are also attracted by a brown shade. Well, also you can show off to your friends about the "cross-cultural experience."

2.Guys in India have this very "romantic" habbit with sending you a bunch of poems, stories and flowers by sms. (Thanks for Airtel and Tata for providing the free services)

 

3. The desire to have a loved one when you're away from your home. That applies both parties, because majority of Indian youth are working far from their hometowns.

Something to think ahead.

Family and parents.

Everything between you may be just fine, until you meet with the parents. It is not easy in any country. Lots of funny comedies have been already shown on this topic (The new one is coming "Small Fockers". People say, that it was a blast in US box-offices). In case of the international relations it is even more interesting. Best case is if parents just won't disturb you. They can be away quietly hoping that they ukids will breack up and go to theis home places before the marriage itself. You curse them, butparents have their reasons, which are quite logical. In case of India, marriage is - a very powerful social institution in which you enter once and for the entire life. Divorce is possible, but that's not very welcome in the society. The stereotype of Western cultures is that if something not pleasant is going on, people slamme the door and go away. So the older generations tend to prevent such cases in advance. As the saying goes 'with a little amount of blood'. On the other hand, it's all about the framework and limitations in mind. Tell your parents that you have a guy / girl from another country. I am confident that one of the first phrases is going to be: "There are no normal ones in our country?" "And could you find someone from Europe?" And so on. Here the perception is the same. Even if the parents are fine with you both, we have a bunch of relatives, educational level of which leaves much to be developed. There are also the financial aspects. The first one is called "Dowry" . Where does the bride's parents find these sums of money still remains a mystery for me (in fact, they collect them from her birth). And the marriage is the establishment of relations at a certain level, or caste. In the case of marriage with foreigner this all aspects may be missing.

Society, friends, etc.

There is a strange observation from my side.When people see that you're dating Hindu guy, then they suspect the you are both not very serious. Basically, their view is understandable when youconsider the reasons, mentioned above. Guys here are not so worried about the marriage aspect of the lifes. They can safely stay single up to 30 years old, then they will pick up the bride's from their parents choice. I smile from the  number of invitations i get in social networks.The are from random people who have noticed a white girl with a guy from their country on the profile photo. Want to be "friends", which is far from the truth in a 90 % of the cases.

Somebody may ask why I didn't mention much about the Foreign guys. In my 1.5 years of xp here I'm familiar with only one pair, where they have a Hindu girl and a foreigner guy. As one girl explained to my friend in very simple words: "I can go out with you somewhere together, if you're either my brother or best friend. In your case neither the first nor the second is true. " And is not that all the girls have such a strong internal morals here, but they are very thoughtful, logical and concerned about their future.

 

Your own Thoughts.

All of the above are external factors, but each of us has also its own ghosts in the head, which we carefully grow throughout our lives. You can call them easier - borders, morals, principles. That is the most interesting moment in building relations between different cultures, especially between the east and the west. Like all good things, the vision of the differences in perceptions and outlook, comes with time and then you have to choose the course of action.

And...

That's how you can briefly describe relationhips and factors which have influence in a pair of Indian-Foreigner. You can read the post and ask: "Is the relationship in such pair doomed to failure?". My answer - no. It all depends on your awareness and joint action. There are successful examples of couples who combine a variety of perception and culture. They might never admit to you that it's not all so easy in their everyday life, but they're coping with the differences successfully. We are sent to each other for spiritual development. All the factors just stands help you to be very clear in your mind about what can be expected and work on them. And every day our world comes close to be a real global village, so that the mixing of cultures does not cause such surprise and reaction as it was earlier. Just do it.  You're the only person responsible for the success of your relationship.

To be continued...

mirrors

      There is a saying: 'People, who're around you are your mirrors'. I totally agree with it. They show you to yourself. Even if you don't really like the reflection, or the characteristics they say. Sometimes you do stupid things 'just because you felt like that' or 'just because everyone else was doing the same'. At that particular moment you don't look around and think, what impact are you doing for your close ones. You do it once, twice, three times and then the other person just has no patience to sustain it. And it opens your eyes, you feel for a moment, that you were like a blind kitten in front of the obvious things, totally in power of own ego or any other 'small feeling'. I don't say that everybody is perfect, i just want to say, that the crucial thing in life is just active listening to your the most close people. They are the ones, who went through lots of different situations and life challenges together with you. And they know you from the top till bottom.  Then, why is it so easy to get dissappointed, pissed of with them? May be because you're trying to change something in them or to prove something. What is actually quite stupid, because they have already been with you and take you as you're with all your positive sides and all the crazy ones. I know, that i'm blessed by god to have this person in my life, even if sometimes i cover my eyes with black cloth and totally refuse to see myself in the mirror.

        Today is 2nd of January 2011 and i give a promise, promise to myself. Promise to take the black cloth off my eyes and take the reality as it is. Promise to take the earbuds out and  listen actively, what my reflection and my soul tell to me every day. Promise to keep my own way in the sea of the life, guided by my morals and do all the best to reach the land on the Horizons of the future.

        The main thing about the mistakes is that you need to realize them and go ahead. Do new ones, but use the experience of old. I'm grateful for these 2 first days of 2011, that they made me to learn something really important and valuable. Now it's only about my actions. Too much words have already been said. That's it.

bit of moments and memories

Welcome to the end of the 2010. I ask myself : 'What do I remember about this year?' By the way it is the Year of the Tiger by Zodiac .I was also born in the year of the tiger, so it's considered to be my year to some extend. Let's have a short walk back in time and history. Basically, everything in my memory is associated with people or places, or with both. Work is a separate big topic that somehow has already been reflected in previous posts.

January:

Celebrating New Year 2010 in Indian style. Interesting party, but quite different than i've been used to. Presence of close friends makes it really cool. My first trip to Mumbai. Searching for adventure till 6 am and have an excellent tour the next morning. Visiting famous forts around Pune.Lots of travelling during the weekend. New and old people in the Cycle Society apartment. Meeting Martin, Wenru and others.

February:

I got the driver's license and rented a scooter. I can even remember the date - 7th of February. I remember how I was driving home in 1a.m. with Davy behind me for the first time. We were constantly thanking God for the fact that there were no other cars on the road. And the next day I embedded in a parking lot, after I successfully passed the challenging Solapur road. The book "0 limits". Kolhapur and museum of wax figures. Delhi - Agra - Delhi. I was spending a lot of time in Martin's and Utkarsh's company. Edu, another intern from Suzlon, left back to Brazil. I became the only one foreign trainee in GLD. Chinese, many-many Chinese people in our apartment. We had very funny and cool time all together.

March:

Everything began with the celebration of Holi in Goa with me, Martin and Utkarsh. I think this was a turning point in the relatioships in our trinity. Many many trips to different locations: Mulshi, then the temple ruins in Hampi. Back in Pune we play basketball and badminton almost every night. Arrival of Milosz and Andre in CS.

April:

More memorable for the process of search for new internships and delivering trainings in Suzlon. What has been successful on both sides. Traveling was mostly within the city and suburbs. Yes, and I started to collect money to repair the camera and for trip to home. All this time we were "Cycle Society family", as Cesar used to called our apartment.  It was interesting due to having 5 guys and me there)

May:

I remember the departure of many good friends. Davi, Martin, in particular. It was very unusual without them. But as time goes by, we should remind ourselves that we are guests in this world, and it makes sense to let it go. Not only about the people and relationships, but also about any other things.

June:

Started at the new workplace, which brings a lot of joy. Preparations for the trip home were going for the entire time. Was spending time in  FRO in order to get Visa, that have left it's impression on me. The arrival of the first Kazakh trainees - Ira and Petya. Wow! The Russian mafia in the trainee apartment. 3rd level and 26 hours in the train to Delhi. 2 days with parents of Utkarsh. The plane back home. All of these memories are followed by 3 weeks of positive emotions and cultural shocks, which you can easily get after 9 months of being far from home.

July:

I fly back to India. Also 'back home'. Because 'home' is where the close people are. Now we live together with Utkarsh, separately from the other trainees. Our 'huge' room, my suitcase in the role of the wardrobe and a single bed. Well, who pays attention to such minor things? The main thing is that we're here and we're together . Arrival of Aika and Zhanna, again many Chinese people. Trip to Lohagard fort and  driving in the rainy season. Favorite job.

August:

We have moved. We have our own flat, though it's a rented one and 'who knows' where, but it's our own one! 4 days in Goa under the rain. I can 100% say that this place is beautiful at any time of year. During the rains it gathers all the energy of nature and pleases your eye with waterfalls and perfect greenery. New gym. Sad that friends are leaving again, during that month about 10 people went back to their countries.

September:

I already know how to cook something from the Indian cuisine. It turns out delicious, and most importantly - without the excess of fat and frying. Courses of  tae-bo, new people in CS apartment.Met 2 interesting people on the internet. Delivering the training at the workplace.1 year as i'm in India, time goes by so fast.

October:

Visit of Utkarsh's family for 2 weeks. Trip to Goa with them. Challenging and interesting. Updating the Indian wardrobe.Making great dumplings with Lyuda and Chris. Arrival of Vasey for a one day visit. Departures to home of other friends.

November:

Great, a lot of trips on bicycles (This hobby takes a big piece of my soul). 2 weeks in Delhi. Informative. Books and constant study of Hindi (funny, since November I have spend very little time on it). Developing friendly relations, and I am very happy about it.

December:

Lived in the friends' place and watched the dogs for about 2 weeks. Realized that I love dogs, but i'm too lazy to take care of them every day. Revival of  'Mafia'. My 24th birthday. Catholic Christmas (the first one for us together). And then there still are a couple more days to enjoy this year.

It is believed that the year of your animal should bring you luck. I completely agree with this, because the number of events that were worth of attention was just endless. Sometimes it was obvious what are they given for, sometimes I've understood the consequences through time. In any case, I am grateful to this year, of Tiger and to all those people who have been in my life during it.

Was browsing in my folders of photos today. Suddenly i found a few interesting moments which haven't been published yet. Let's do it! Please, give a round of applause to pics made in our dear Pune and some comments to them from my side.

Number 1: 'Tribute to the science'. A monument to Newton in Kumar City, Kalyani Nagar. The area is all about 2-floor houses, owned by top management of various companies with Mercedeses in the garages. And as far as you can see, they respect science also. Or, as Dan Brown has already mentioned in his 'The lost Symbol' a lot of mysteries and secrets are connected with Isaac. Who knows, maybe this part of Pune knows one of them:) Or maybe it's just a sign for the guests: 'Beware of falling apples', or even papayas, which seems to be grown in the yards of some of the houses.

 

And we continue the tour and find an exhibit number 2. Codename: "Snow boots under a palm tree." This happened when I had the time and accidentally found warm winter boots at our friends house. Yes, it was around mid-December, the snow was falling in Europe, in Britain all airports were being blocked because of it . In Pune we had 25 degrees above zero during the daytime (you could actually take a sunbath on the roof ,if you do not care what the neighbors would think). So, camera was also there, let's welcome them on the stage.

If we had start to talk about winter and the holidays i have an easy question : what is one of the most important elements of the holiday season? Some people call it 'winter beauty'. Yes, the Snow Maiden(for russian-speaking countries) is a correct answer, but here i ment just a Christmas tree (There were even some poems and songs devoted to it.) For me it was a pleasant surprise to come across in front of a supermarket(Lifestyle). Have a look at number 3: "Winter beauty in the heart of the city".

And another interesting thing that has turned up. Everybody has something he belives in. And each country has its own superstictions and protective symbols, upside-down horseshoe, for example. One of such elements i've observed in Pune also. Exhibit with a number 4: "Eco protection". The main part of a talisman, is a pepper, not simple, the chilly one. And not one piece, but a lot of them. More peppers you have, the stronger is your protection. It ends with a lime, well i have no idea why. These things you cling to your vehicle, starting from the 2wheeelers. Definitely on back of it, the forces of evil should seen your protection. Those, wishing to buy such talismans, are kindly requested to ask little beggers at intersections of the busy roads and traffic lights. For the 'good price' of 10-100 rupees (That's depending on the color of your skin and the ability to bargain) precious defense will start its pure magic on you. If you are interested - write to my mailbox, i will provide mass suplements.

That were the results of the random search around the stock of photos. About the news from my side? we are at home. Today i suffered from 'no skype' desease, because it refused to work. Perhaps the same diagnosis could be said about another 25 million people around the world. Also i've found a couple of interesting sites that are worth going through. For example http://wip.od.ua/best-logos-2010/.

24 here. one day story

Yesterday. Chronicles should start with thanks to all those people who one way or another, morally or physically were present and shared their piece of positive emotions))

That night we were at our friends' place.So the sheets of paper with wishes from the door of our room to the hall on the first floor were the first surprise in the morning .There was also a gift in the beginning of the journey downstairs.I liked it a lot! While reading the wishes one by one, the smile on my face was growing. Something like this ) -> ))))))))))) Dogs were also showing a genuine interest about the presence of strange papers on the floor. 

Definitely we had a birhtday lunch. We decided have it in "Bounty", where they have sizlers as a speciality of the place. Sizler is usually meat with vegetables and rice, which is served in a special way so that it remains hot until you eat it. Delicious. By the way, in one of the restaurants the first menu page is devoted to the history of this dish and its appearance in India.

A bit of "monopoly" till the full recognition of bankruptcy by India, represented by Utkarsh))That also gave some  satisfaction to our union . Finishing the cake.It was quite a small one, only 3-3,5 kg)) By the way it came very, very tasty)) So i can say that the imagination works well in low-resource situations)) Everything was ready, and we decided to go home, where the party was going to happen.

Think, I've already mentioned that our apartment is far from the city center. Rather, even at one of its suburbs. + We are all still in India, with has IST (Indian Stretchable Time). This means that the first guests begin to appear within an hour after the appointed time, which by local standards is still very early)) as a result we started the holiday with a bottle of champagne for us and Akinori with gin)) And then the Twister appears on the scene )) We had a good laugh from the possible combinations, but have done almost none pictures.

Time fliew immideately and then the bell rung. Another guests, the apartment is filled with people who are still recowering from a long and cold road. Congratulations, flowers. People are evenly distributed around the apartment))

 

It is time for the cake. Friends set fire to candles, fireworks, light is switched off ... I enjoy the moment, until the fireworks are lit and there comes  time to blow out the candles. Thought about the wish and ... Done! Can proceed to cutting it into pieces. Thanks God, there were no Indian traditions with putting cake on my face. Think, people liked the taste of the cake. By the way, this it is very easy to make))

It was the first big party after we've moved in our apartment

After one o'clock the souls of people are still requesting to continue the party, so that the whole crowd is moving to Carlos. Who is Carlos? It's a good question, but this was also the day of his birthday. Funny moment when you have many people, 20 percent of them do not even have any clue, who is the host of the party. This was on my party,on the Carlos one there were about 30% of such ppl)) Consider as the plus the fact that you were able to dance until dawn or until you drop out.

These are the chronicles of the events happened yesterday. Day of my 24-th anniversary has brought several interesting and important life lessons that I believe are the main presents. And the Year of the Tiger was a good one. And still is.

The night comes to the city... lights are turned off , the silence is rarely broken by the sound of a scooter, whose owner flies home thinking about the cup of the hot drink, waiting him there. Only they are awake. These people in the city have another aim - they need to kill a man. There are three of them, representing different continents or the same one, the only way of communication is the eye contact, and their main task is to avoid prosecution from the citizens after the murder. Then they will continue the bloody job the next night to . Why? Because they are Mafia.
Their city consists of only 17 people who await their fate with the eyes closed and having a thought about how to find the bloody killers in the morning. There are 2 more characters on who depends the result of the night: "a person with great intuition," simply - a doctor, and "he ,who has a bit of the information" or you can call him police, cop, KGB, FBI, CIA or, as your heart desires. Is everybody ready? Then: "Let's go!"

I think you've already got the idea, it was a sketch of a widespread game  called "Mafia." This is the simplest option of the story, but very cool at the same time. Yesterday we did it for our friends and acquaintances in Pune. During the summer, we played a lot of similar games and, accordingly, there were enough gags to the topic. Then people went beck to their countries and "mafia" had gone into the underworld. Till i met Aditya after a long time, who was very passionate about the game. In the end, it was cool, as from my point of view it was the biggest game I've ever moderated - 18 people! ))) Just a crazy one, especially in points of discussion: why the mafia is you, not me)))
Was observing at the level of enjoyment that people were getting from the game and  i was thinking. We are all connected through social networks, status messages, mobiles. But there is no substitute for the evening when everyone is doing something that unites, gives the topic of conversation for a long time, and simply serves as an occasion for fun and laughter. What next? There are still many games that we have to play together.

Considering the topic of games. Drinking games are almost the same throughout Europe. Especially ones, which are loved by AIESECers like "Beeches Beeches," "Consume" and different counting games. Even those who have no idea about AISEC, know how to play the booze;)
Today will be a creating a cake without baking. There are a couple of ideas about this topic)))